Dance through it

I adore glitter and anything that sparkles. I purchased these boots for a women's event about a year ago. At that event, I felt the Lord's love in such a profound way, with numerous signs indicating that I was being liberated, ready to soar, so to speak. Do you ever feel like there's so much more of yourself to offer the world, yet it seems trapped within you? And then there are those moments when you feel prepared to break free? Does that make sense? That's exactly how I felt as the new year approached. I felt ready to soar... dance... be free!

2024 didn't feel exhilerating. It didn't feel anything like I expected. Infact it felt much the opposite. It came with a lot of heartache and yet the Lord reminds me of how close and present He was through it all. At the beginning of the year I was thankful to not have a full-time job because I was able to go visit my mother-in-law in the nursing home. If my father-in-law needed anything I was able to drop what I was doing and go help. I was so thankful for that. Walking in that nursing home was tough, though. I spent my childhood in that nursing home and much of my early married life so it was nice to have an extended break. To watch a loved ones health go downhill is just not fun. To hear the other residents moaning, crying, staring at the wall, it's just not the way life is to be and yet here we are. Then in April we said our final goodbyes to her. I remember that morning a day or so after my birthday. I knew it was her time to meet Jesus face to face. There was such peace that day. Walking away from her that morning just knowing was so painful yet peaceful. It was then that I realized I can feel both sorrow and joy at the same time and in fact it's the joy that gives me great strength to face it. God's joy truly is my strength. My childhood best friend attended the funeral to support me, and neither of us had any idea what she would face a month later. Her husband visited the ER a few times not feeling well and was eventually diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma, surviving only three weeks after the diagnosis. As I supported her through this, I was also contemplating a return to a banking job. I received an excellent offer unexpectedly, and it seemed illogical not to accept it. However, I found it difficult to concentrate fully due to my friend's situation. We are both highly empathetic, and navigating such experiences in life is incredibly challenging. We were contending for a miracle and fully believing he would live and share the testimony.

I declined the job offer, and the week I would have begun that job, I was attending a funeral. It was the most painful funeral I've experienced so far, filled with countless questions. I had to grapple with a variety of emotions. Soon after all of this, a dear friend of mine was diagnosed with lung cancer. She is 85 and doesn't have any family nearby, so I naturally decided to support her in every way I could. I have been by her side, helping to take her to appointments and fight this dreadful disease. Also during this time, I was experiencing conflicts with two other friends, leaving me deeply unsettled. What was happening? How could I, just one person, manage all this and maintain a gentle heart, avoiding negative reactions when I was already feeling so fragile and hurt?

Towards the end of this year, I felt drawn back to coaching and initiated a wellness challenge in December. I didn't want to conclude the year by using food for comfort and numbing myself, and I sensed God encouraging me to support others during the final month of the year. I was excited to start really exercising again and not gorging on all of the holiday sweets.

One morning a few weeks ago, I envisioned shackles falling off feet. I physically felt it and was reminded of the verse in Isaiah where God turns mourning into dancing. The secular song 'Celebrate' had been echoing in my spirit for some time, and I felt prompted to go live in the wellness Facebook group to declare this to the ladies. I made a spectacle of myself in my t-shirt, braving the cold, dancing around. Celebrate good times, come on! Despite what the year has brought, our hope is in Jesus, and we can rejoice in that! Celebrate the cross and what He has accomplished! Wahoo! It was so fun and the ladies enjoyed this moment! HA!

Well, shortly after that, or perhaps a few days later, I was gathering wood for the wood stove, and down I went, and I didn't cuss, which was quite an achievement, HA! However, I couldn't get up for a while. I managed to hobble back into the kitchen with my right ankle in intense pain. Despite that, I was able to prepare for dinner at my parents' place. We were celebrating Christmas early because they were heading to North Carolina to visit my sister and her family. I drove over to their place fine and quickly forgot about the incident. When we were sitting at the table eating I slipped the shoe off of my right foot because it was feeling a bit uncomfortable but I really didn't think through that it could be swollen. Well, after sitting at the table a few hours I went to get up to get dessert and I couldn't move. I could not put weight on my right foot at all. I never in a million years expected that. I wasn't sure what to do.

My aunt volunteered to fetch crutches from her home, which assisted me in reaching my vehicle. My uncle drove my car back to my house, with my aunt following in her car. Initially, my car didn't start immediately, but I didn't give it much thought. Since I have a push start, I assumed my uncle might not have been pressing the brake sufficiently to start it. (Sorry, Uncle Denny) Once home, I elevated my foot, applied ice for a while, and took pain medication to also help reduce the inflammation. The following morning, my husband tried to move my car into the garage, as we had left it outside, but it wouldn't start. The diagnosis? A dead battery. How delightful. We had to cancel our Christmas Eve plans at my brother-in-law's because I couldn't get into my husband's truck. In short, I ended up spending the holidays on the couch with my leg elevated and iced. The car went to the garage and required not only a new battery but also new tires to pass inspection. Great. What a way to end the year. HA! On the bright side, my ankle is healing well, and my car is running smoothly again. Now, let's discuss what I really wanted to talk about: the boots that sparkle.

Sunday morning I was on the worship team. Sometimes I ask Holy Spirit what I should wear and I believe I heard the color pink. So as I was looking through my closet trying to figure out what I have that's pink I look up and see those boots that sparkle. I remember smiling and I felt God as Father say go ahead and wear those today and let's stick it to the enemy. I felt His warmth and His chuckle. It wasn't a vengeful haughty kind of thing it was a God is my protector and has a really beautful sense of humor. I immediately thought of the verse that He laughs at His enemies. So that's what I did and of course my human logic tried to get in the way and tell me how stupid I was for wearing those boots with a hurt ankle yet I felt so confident knowing I heard God and I wanted to step out in faith with this one.

The morning was beautful. I felt His love so strong. At one point right before I led the song "How Great is Our God' I smelled Holy Spirt. I really don't know how to explain to you I know that other than He smells like anointing oils and I felt so covered in love and protection. Heaven was so close and my boots were sparkling real good.

My God is so GREAT.

This year, I'm beginning to understand that I can dance while grieving. I don't need to push away the pain to be able to dance. By allowing myself to feel the pain, confront it, and let God accompany me through it, I can still dance. Does that make sense? Personally, because I dislike feeling the pain, I often avoid it, claiming I've surrendered it to quickly reach the "good" part of feeling better. I hope this makes sense, but this year, I want to permit the grief. I think I've been avoiding it for quite a while or I have moments where I acknowledge it but there's something blocking me fully embracing it.

Hopefully I'm making some kind of sense but all of this to say I really love walking this journey with the Lord. He holds my heart and I dance with Him in some really incredibly pretty boots that sparkle.

If you are in a mourning season I encourage you to embrace it. Don't try to rush it just to get to the dancing part and feel joy again. You can dance through it. I think that's a miracle too... dancing again even when you are hurting but knowing there's an exchange eventually.

God will replace it.